You might also like:
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
His Twitter account has amassed 580,000 followers thanks in large part to his family Tweets.
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars
Me: That’d wreck the economy
5: I just-
Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
Breakwell’s daughters are on board with him using their quotes for Twitter, he told Buzzfeed, “mainly because it’s all about them.”
4-year-old: My best friend is a dragon.
Me: I thought your best friend was a magic pony.
4: The dragon ate him.
His wife, he says, is “grudgingly tolerant” of his Twitter account. “She was well-aware I was a jerk when she married me, so my tweets haven’t changed her opinion of me in the slightest.”
Pregnant wife: What should we name the baby? 4-year-old daughter: *points to a dead squirrel on the road* He was a boy.
Me: Let's ask Twitter
Wife:*death glare*
Me: I'll take that as a yes pic.twitter.com/LNAT3vjxHY
Me: How can you tell?
4-year-old: He was stupid.
On top of the Twitter account, he has a webcomic called Unfridgeworthy, in which he turns his daughters’ drawings into comics.
Me: What happened to Ken? Are gender roles nature or nurture?
5-year-old daughter: Zombies. pic.twitter.com/frJHM6MZPc
All I know is I bought my daughter a Lego cupcake set & she built a lightsaber. pic.twitter.com/QZSt20yrcs
They also do the cutest impression of Liam Neeson in Taken you’ve ever seen.
My wife said I should record more family videos of the kids.
She should have been more specific. pic.twitter.com/GFBJg8XTsC
The term “dad joke” is usually meant as an insult. James Breakwell is elevating that craft, and for that, we award him the Father’s Day “Funniest Dad” award for 2016. Happy Father’s Day, everyone.
Source: matadornetwork.com